The role of values in our society often gets trivialized. We rarely even pay attention to the motivations behind our actions. Even if something feels off, we seldom think about the part values have in it. Some can spend years in trauma-focused therapy and uncover the importance of values for their healing. In truth, these principles define who we strive to be and what vision of the world we have. And when we know them and live according to them, no one can dictate our individual journeys.
Why Understanding Your Values Matters
Since most of us have become used to appreciating only tangible things that we can see as the results of our hard work, values as a concept can seem unimportant. But let’s be real: have you ever felt as if you made some choices that you couldn’t really explain? Were there moments when you thought to yourself: No, what I just did doesn’t even look like me. When your actions don’t reflect what truly matters to you, it can lead to a sensation that you’re living someone else’s life. In contrast, even when you conflict with someone over your decision, your knowledge that you acted per your beliefs will make you more confident in deciding for yourself. Many people who, after searching “What is Liven?” have found the app, admit that when they have learned to live by their values, they finally feel inner peace.
Knowing your values helps you:
- Make decisions more easily, even in tough situations
- Set meaningful goals that are more likely to motivate you
- Understand yourself better, increasing your self-trust
- Feel more authentic and grounded in your relationships and choices.
Imagine your mind as a house, and your values as its foundation.
Spotting Real vs. False Values
Not all values we hold are truly ours. Sometimes, what we think are our values are actually inherited from someone or something else. We might feel that they belong to us, but in reality, every time we follow them, it feels draining.
False values feel heavy, obligatory. We pursue our goals because we feel we have to, not because we want to. You may hear such self-talk as “I must be this” or “I should care about…”
True values, in turn, feel alive and energizing even when they guide us toward not the easiest path. When you pursue them, you feel like yourself.
A Quick Guide to Understanding Your Values
Step 1. Find the Peak Moments
Think of several moments when you felt the proudest of yourself, when you felt like you were entirely in the right. What stood out in terms of values then? Were there any principles that you were trying to protect?
Step 2. Look for What Bothers You
Often, our values emerge in situations when we reflect on something that evokes angry feelings in us. If unfairness drives you crazy, you value justice. If cruelty makes you grit your teeth in fury, you believe compassion is crucial.
Step 3. Pinpoint the Patterns
Values stretch across our entire lives, and finding just one moment when something happened and you could name it “honesty” or “kindness” isn’t as easy as it might appear at first. Instead, you might notice your tendency to go for specific jobs or pick certain friends. Try to narrow down these patterns to several core values.
Step 4. Give Them Your Own Name
Instead of sticking to generic terms, write your own definitions. If you think the word everyone else describes doesn’t cut it, find your alternative and your name for it.
Step 5. Check for Conflicts
Strangely enough, our values can clash with each other even if we don’t mean to. For example, your desire for adventure can clash with your need for security. Then, ask yourself: which value becomes dominant in a particular situation?
Living in Alignment With Your Values
Now that you have a specific list of values, you can begin to integrate them into your life.
Use Them to Filter Decisions
When facing an either-or situation, ask yourself: Which value might be suitable for this case? It’ll help you narrow down your choices.
Evaluate Your Life
Evaluate your everyday life and your short-term and long-term goals in light of these newfound principles. Do you invest too much into a decision that makes no sense to you? Is that new job that you dislike an expression of your values, or do you feel conflicted? Slowly remove these things from your life.
Set Goals Based on Values
Every time you consider a goal, ask yourself: What sort of person do I want to be? Set to achieve that objective only if it aligns with things you believe in. It’ll motivate you more and save you a lot of resources for things that matter.
Communicate Your Values With Others
Others might have questions about your new approach to things, so be sure to explain that you have reflected on your values and made choices that suit you. When someone new asks you about your behavior, tell them: I believe in [this], so I am doing my best to support this belief.
Accept the Flexibility
We all want to live in accordance with our values, but it’s not always possible. Sometimes we have to change it slowly. In other moments, it’s not safe to make a transition toward a new principle. Protect your well-being.
Conclusion
There will be times when your values will change. It’s a natural process; everything in nature transforms. Regularly check in with yourself and honor the things that matter most to you now.
